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What NOT To Do At Conferences

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I am writing this post one week before I attend my first bloggy conference, Haven 2012.
Since the mantra “DO NOT EMBARRASS SELF…DO NOT EMBARRASS SELF…” keeps running through my head, I thought it might help to make a NO-NO list. (Remember my Embarrassing Moments list?) 
Lists can be very helpful in times of stress. They can keep us focused and act as reminders of our goals. 

1. Do not run and jump into the arms of bloggers that I admire. I am 6 ft tall and might injure the less agile of the group.
2. Do not lick, sniff or feel up said bloggers. I am a tactile person, ok?
3. Do not use profanity. This is tempting because I spend a lot of time with children- years of f-bombs have built up, just waiting to spill out.
4. Do not talk too loudly. Not only am I deaf in one ear, which makes me unaware of my volume, but I also grew up in a large, rowdy family where if you wanted to be heard, you had to shout. Not appropriate for conference schmoozing, I’m guessing.
5. Do not tell dirty jokes. I love dirty jokes but I can tell by the heavy sighing and eye-rolling that some folks do not appreciate vagina jokes.
6. Do not badmouth chevron, spray paint or thrift stores. Bloggers love that shit stuff and would run me right out of the conference.
7. Do not sing. I am the worst singer on the planet and 9-1-1 would be called.
8. Do not dirty dance. No one needs to see a 40 year old blogger humping a horrified Centsational Girl.
9. Do not ramble. I’m a nervous talker and when I don’t know what else to do, I ramble. Before I know it, I hear myself saying “And, then came the 80’s…I like big hair and blue eyeshadow…don’t you wish they would come back in style? What say we go back to my room and give each other makeovers?”
10. No hillbilly speak. I have an alter ego, Loretta MayJoe. When I am either nervous and/or vlogging, she takes over. Please, Lawd, save me from Loretta MayJoe. 

If you are also attending Haven and you happen to witness any rule breaking, feel free to slap me hard across the face and shout “GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, WOMAN!” 

In the meantime, I will be hiding in my powder room practicing my appropriate greetings, comments and body language.
I will watch and re-watch “How To Be A Better Blogger!

Good blogger body language:
Bad blogger body language:

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